As I set here in “My little Home in the Valley”, I think back to before I was a People First member. I truly think life makes a complete circle. Many of you know my story about being in the institution. I had no choices about my life. Later I lived on the streets and one-day I found Mr. Right, that turned out to be Mr. Wrong and as I have told you there has been many Mr. Wrongs in my life.

I also have talked about my Mother being in charges of my life, then she died in 1996 and left me totally lost and confused other then choosing to have my Son I never made my own choices. I made many mistakes but that was Mom’s choice so it wasn’t my mistake. I did take responsibility of my son because it was my choice to have and raise him. My responsibility was to give him shelter, food, clothing, education and love I do love him more then life itself.

Being a Mom meant to reverse everything my Mother did for me. As he got older I let him start making choices in his life. Sometime he took the parent role and I took the child role. We would have to work together in sharing how we felt about or choices in our lives. My son grew up and achieved his life. I had not.

I moved away from my hometown and started attending People First of Marshall in 1996, at the meetings I became aware I did have the right to be a part of my community, I attend training’s about Self-Advocacy and Self-Determination. I got involved with the statewide organization and worked on an AmeriCorp / VISTA project for People First and UMKC – IHD for a year.

I was elected Statewide President that held many job duties and attend many board meetings. I never once felt afraid; I felt I couldn’t learn enough fast enough. I didn’t realize I could learn and I just wanted to learn more. I believed in what I was doing and I was one of the most Empowered Self-Advocate in the state of Missouri, by 2002. My name was not only known through the state but the National Self-Advocacy world also.

Then my life changed I became very ill and had to go on experimental drugs, that tired me out, Doctors said I couldn’t fly to meetings anymore. I became discouraged, I didn’t attend People First meeting, and I pulled away from my support, the only support that help me focus on my abilities and not my disabilities, needless to say my disabilities took over. I met someone who wanted to take charge of my life and I couldn’t stop him, he told me what I could wear, whom I could talk with, when I could go to town and how much I could spend. If and when I could visit my Son, Daughter- In- Law and Grandchildren and when I could speak on the phone. He convinced me he knew more about my choices then I knew. I set here writing this article thinking how could an Empowered National Self-Advocate become totally the opposite.

One morning I got up and asked him if I could invite his brother and wife to dinner it was Sunday and he told me NO. So I went to my room to lay down to rest and he came in my room and asked me what I was doing? I needed to get out of bed and fix him some dinner. I laid there another 5 minutes, and thought I didn’t want to make him mad, so I got up to fix dinner. I walked threw his bedroom and he was fast asleep. All I can remember was grabbing my medication, my keys and running out the door like a frightened child. I didn’t stop driving until I got to the other side of the state; I was on my way to Indiana. . I have to tell you it was like the first time I took a breath on my own, Freedom to go and do as I wanted to for the first time in months.

I wanted to stop by a friend’s house. He has never held me back from anything I wanted to do and I wanted to Thank him for his kindness and supporting me to believe in myself and the self-advocacy movement.

I never left my friend’s house, I am here today I call it “My little home in the Valley”. I am rebuilding my life over again with the support of my friend’s and collogues from People First here in Bowling Green / Pike County and across Missouri. I try to focus on my abilities, I take one day at a time. I want everyone to know if it hadn’t been for what I was taught at People First trainings, People First Statewide meetings, People First Conference’s, and using the website. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to leave. An institution can be more then a state facility, If you don’t have Freedom and Choices in the place you live it is an institution.

……………………………….By Anita Carroll

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